Music Monday: Country Music, My Second Love

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I met him in the middle of my 8th grade year. All my friends would talk about him. How amazing he was and how great he made them feel. He was the boy next door; an all-Mexican-American boy. The boy all our parents wanted us to end up with. I fell in love with him 4 years later. Country Music, my second love, my first TRUE love.

At the time, I was at my rebellious stage. I was into NOFX, the Misfits, Blink 182, and Motion City Soundtrack (to name a few). I would wear skinny jeans, Spitfire logo shirts, and DC’s. All my jewelry had some sort of spike on it. I was convinced my parents knew nothing and that they didn’t really care about me. At school, I would get made fun of or talked bad about. I was weird, I was a “slut” (fun fact: actually lost my V card in college), I was too smart, I wasn’t smart enough, I was too dark, I wasn’t dark enough, I was too “white”, I was too Mexican, and many many more things people didn’t like me for or didn’t give me the time of day because of.

At the time, one of my “Mexican” friends, Adriana, and I were getting pretty close. At school, I hung out with “the smart white emo kids” and she hung out with all the “Spanish speaking Mexican kids”. After school, we would hang out at my house or her house and have adventures at her grandma’s house in Mexico.

As my friendship with Adriana grew, we would start to hang out more at school and she introduced me to all her friends, including her boyfriend. As I started to become more of her best friend than just her friend, my relationship with Alex also grew. He would call me every time they had a fight or if he ever wanted advice on what to buy her for special occasions.

One day, while Adriana and I were in Mexico, she told me that she had met a guy in mexico and that she started dating him. I was confused and felt conflicted because my friendship with Alex had become more than what I wanted it to be. I promised her I wouldn’t say anything and kept it a secret for the next two months.

One night, I was on the phone with Alex. He paused our conversation abruptly. He said he had something to tell me and that he wasn’t sure how to tell me. He said he was confused because we were so different. He said he never thought this could happen with a “girl like me”. That night he told me he liked me and that he was going to break up with Adriana. Of course, Adriana and I weren’t as close after that, but now years later we are still friends and she even invited me to her wedding.

The day after Alex broke up with Adriana was the day my first relationship started; my first love. Alex was my first love. Our relationship was filled with teenage drama of all kinds. It was a turbulent relationship. We would break-up and get back together. We would fight and make up. We would argue and laugh all in the span of one minute. He taught me my first lessons in love. He taught me what I wanted out of life and also what I didn’t want. Our relationship lasted 4 years on and off. Ultimately, we ended because I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity. He ended up getting what he wanted from someone else. And I graduated, moved to Austin, and moved on with my life.

In all the mess that was our “relationship”, I met someone else. He was mean, crazy, sweet, kind, loving, and everything in between. He was there to comfort me when I needed him to. He was there to make me feel better about myself. He was there when I felt so in love with Alex that I didn’t know who else to tell. He was there for me when my dad would yell at me for sneaking out to Mexico. He was there for me when I received an IM from a “friend” telling me I should just “kill myself now so I wouldn’t be around to bother” her anymore. He was there when I decided to graduate early and to move to Austin to study engineering at UT. He was there when I finally ended my relationship with Alex and told him I needed to move on to bigger and better things.

That summer in between high school and college, he was there to guide me in the right direction. He showed me how powerful I could be, how amazing I could feel, and how much I could accomplish if I just believed in myself. He was romantic and understanding. We would stay up all night talking about life and love. He loved my family and made me realize how much they loved me too. That summer I fell in love with him. He was my second love.

Country Music. He is my second love. He is a dirt road at my dad’s ranch. He is the smell of grass after my aunt made me get up early to mow it. He is my brother and I out on the ranch shooting cans and sneaking out to drink in Mexico later that night. He is watching my sister grow up and become a woman. He is my mom showing me how amazing a woman can be both professionally and personally. Country Music is going back to visit after months of being away and getting butterflies as you enter the city limits.

Country Music is the boy next door. He is my first TRUE love and the one I will never forget.

Dear Country Music,

I know that we don’t talk as much as we used to. I know that as my life went on that I didn’t need you as much as I did before. But, just know, that you will always be my first TRUE love. I know that you feel replaced and that it must be hard to not talk as much as we used to. I just really want to say thanks. Without you I would have never become the person that I am today. Thank you for all you have done and all that you continue to do for me. I will always love you.

Stay in love & Just listen,

AM

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